Klaus’ Kolumn: The Massage-Thai masseuse and Homosexuality
Having succeeded at remaining true to my convictions never to tread the path of homosexuality, I am nevertheless shaken by my last encounter with…..Thai massage.
Show me a male masseuse in Thailand that is not actually gay and I will show you a latent homosexual that is just waiting to spring upon some unsuspecting farang. Ok, perhaps you think I am paranoid….it still does not explain the ever-present guilt and shame that I experience after I leave the massage shop.
Once, after waking from a nap I squeamishly asked, “Was something inserted into me while I slept”?
I thought I could beat the system and get a massage from the blind. Heck, I could help a good cause and get some Thai massage at the same time. Wrong again. The seeing hands found me.
Why do I run the gauntlet of abuse? I like Thai massage….a lot. It’s hard to outsmart western ingenuity, this time I arrive at Soisere massage in Naklua Bay Pattaya and I am betting my virginity on my new steel plated underwear. I am however a little worried that repeated fondling may break the chastity belt which is my only protection against the probing hands and resultant gleeful smile that I receive for the “male masseur”.
It took me years to finally realize what was happening. As many times as I would ask for a female masseur at the Soisere Massage, I would invariably be given the most prancing male fruitcake of the troupe, and don’t even try to tell me that, “no, no, the guy is just real happy …not actually a full blown fruit bat”.
I was teaching a corporate class the other day and I actually started to lisp. The next day I was out on my balcony having a cigarette and I actually caught myself fondling my own tit. I live next to some Thai Military Barracks and on an apposing balcony their stood a dumfounded Thai Military Officer in full uniform staring at my questionable behavior.
He is probably thinking, “here is a farang, dressed in a sarong smoking cigarettes and kindly fondling his breasts”. This Thai guy is either going to immediately throw away all of his cigarettes or simply presume that deep within the heart of ever farang lies a homosexual just waiting to get out.
Ok this had to stop. I marched down to Soisere and asked the guy who collects the money (now 120 B, up from 100 for one hour of Thai massage) what the hell was going on. He promptly responded, “”well, your wife, she tell to us that, when see you, always give you man and not lady massage because she jealout to much”
The silence was deafening. I ask him perplexedly, “you mean the girl who I divorced 3 years ago, the same one who hasn’t been here since, the same one who tried to have me killed, beaten and generally reduced to the level of a delirious idiot”? “Ya, dat da girl, she hap 2 eye look different direction….she can to see everything”.
Hell, I may as well cut out the middle man and prance straight to the gay bar and then bump myself off afterwards. Why make some mafia thugs miss their favorite Thai soap opera just to do their job. Welcome to Thailand.
Popularity: 11% [?]
Did you find this post interesting? You may also enjoy these posts:
- Klaus’ Kolumn: Julie Fox and the Menam river
- Farang Thai citizens: Caucasians and foreign national acquiring Thai Nationality – Citizenship
- Gig – Kik- Gik lovers in Thailand: Thai casual polygamy sexual culture การมี กิ๊ก
- Ad Provincia Phuket: Wandering back to the south
- Typical Thailand brothels: Quicky Culture
January 15th, 2011 at 4:30 am
Hi , your account of gays offended me…not really, couldn’t care less about all that stuff, but I am gay and guess you attract them. Not much you can do about it either I guess. You are either hot or a massage addict. I am going to teach English there soon and dreading the sexual conotation thing. It ‘s one thing being a hottie but another being a hottie in a country which loves western hottie’s ….Aye Mate? No really,I hope I can handle it, I could just grow a beard and maybe that would make me look like a crusty old professor….does that work there…maybe you tried that? Anyway I will have to fall back on my many years as an out gay man. Attractive to woman and men and comfortable with the truth…..