Klaus’ Kolumn: Julie Fox and the Menam river
My wife and I decided to leave our condo on the beach and go upcountry to see the Bridge over the River Kwai. It was at that point that our normal reality began to blend with a sort of dementia that had us on one hand laughing to the point of tears and at other times caught in a state of utter perplexity.
We feel that the curse began early on in the journey. The mysterious and all too friendly Thai man on the bus seemed sincere enough. He was our emissary to the preposterous adventure we were to be swept away on.
Our liaison with him began when he noticed I was looking through an old edition of Untamed Travel in which their were listings of accommodations and the like in Kanchanaburi. Even though this nefarious character produced a business card that showed he was the manager of a guest house in Hua Hin, he seemed to be adamant about being an expert on accommodations in all points Thailand and Kanchanaburi. He was singular in his choice. “Julie Fuks, Ya, Julie fuks. Das da best place. Really good food, everything is great, yeah, really popular with farang”
Up to this point his command of English was competent, so I fell into a slight confusion as to just what type of person would name their restaurant Julie Fuks. Knowing how the Thais are about explicit overt sexual behavior in public, I immediately ascertained that the only possible explanation was that the place was owned by a farang women named Julie and that apparently she had no qualms about letting us know that she did indeed engage in a particular and all too common type of gymnastic sport. In fact she was so proud of this feature of her behavior, that she actually named her restaurant/guesthouse after it. Wow what a liberal women indeed. I was intrigued by the possibility of meeting this woman.
Unfortunately, no matter how many times we called information on the mobile phone their was absolutely no listing for a Julie Fuks in Kanchanaburi. We tried every conceivable spelling but the answer was the same. Their simply was no Julie fuks in Kanchanaburi. Perhaps she was practicing her abilities elsewhere.
Well, back to my trusty untamed travel Magazine. As our bus came ever nearer to Kanchanaburi we used the mobile and called a few places on the river. First we called ‘The Blue Star’. Sorry, all full. Then we called, ‘The Jolly Frog’, Sorry, all full sir. I didn’t care. I wanted to see this Julie woman and clear up this whole mess. If her restaurant was so popular why wasn’t it in my copy of untamed travel? Why wasn’t it listed in the directory?
Well, the bus arrived at the new airport and we parted ways with the guy from Hua Hin. He went home and we proceeded to the Southern bus Terminal to catch our bus for Kanchanaburi. As he walked away, he looked into my eyes with the utmost sincerity and said, “yeah, you find Julie and everything will be ok, easy to find, don’t worry”.
We finally called the Thai information on the mobile and made a reservation for the only hotel they had listed in Kanchanaburi and began to wonder if Julie did actually exist somewhere outside the mind of the guy from Hua Hin.
I have been traveling for about ten years in Asia and lived here most of that time. I have noticed that unless a place has been recommended by either a trusted friend or a trusted magazine or book, the trip could go awry in a rather fast and efficient manner. I learned this about ten years ago while I was Phnom Penh Cambodia. The traveler’s circuit is about getting the information in order to find that secret place where you meet interesting people from all over the world. They are energized, like you, by the rush of travel, and are full of stories and ideas. It is the people that make the places magic. I hoped Julies place would be one of those special places of which the memory lives on far after the experience has past. That is after all, the subjective part of reality. The people at the next table to you may be outside of the fun and exhilaration, simply because they have not met the right people that can turn their travel into an adventure.
As we neared Kanchanaburi, the Mountains that surround the City became visible. I was beginning to get that feeling of exhilaration. It was dark as the moto bike drivers brought us down to the guesthouses along the dark river. My wife and I arrived on separate bikes and separate places because I was stupid enough to believe the two moto bike drivers’ assurances that they knew where our hotel was at. As usual in Thailand, all was well because I caught site of our hotel about 70 meters from where my driver stopped.
After muddling through the usual reverse reality that never ceases to amaze me here in Thailand, we where in a room we felt was comfortable and worth the price we were paying. It seems an air con room was 650 baht and a fan room was 450. The odd bit was that the rooms were the same. They simply bring a fan into the aircon room and ask that you not use the air. Nonetheless they were adamant about me taking the air con room which was in actuality the fan room as I had originally requested it. I think it had less to do with the 200 baht and more to do with the complicated logistics of the guy at reception communicating the procedure for acquiring and delivering the fan to the room, a process that took all of 5 minutes. After a brief discussion in Thai it was all straightened out. In my opinion it wasn’t about the 200 baht but rather about the redundant feature of having air con in a room in which I nearly froze to death. January this year it was very very cold in Kanchanaburi. To be fair to the Thai desk manager I would have to say they would have been no more adamant about insisting I take the air con room if let us say the ambient temperature was twice as low. Truly proving that their was absolutely no conspiracy for me to take the more expensive room but rather another example of the weird way we farangs look at the world. Here we are overanalyzing everything and trying to make the best decisions both economically and socially. Why can’t we just behave like them and accept everything as it is. It would be a lot less trouble for everyone. Thais must think we are idiots. Perhaps we are.
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April 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 pm
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